Wirral MP Arrested in Dawn Raid

>by our political correspondent Peregrine Falcone
Wirral Vice Squad detectives uncovered more than they bargained for when they raided one of the region's most notorious sex clubs last night.

Of the 23 men arrested for lewd behaviour, one is believed to be West Brighton MP, Shankly Hacker. Hacker, 36, whose upcoming trial for alleged mis-realignment of public funds starts next Friday, will appear at Wirral Magistrates Court tomorrow morning, charged with lascivious conduct with a miner.

Detectives from the Vice Squad were jubilant yesterday but warned the public that successful police operations like this were a thing of the past. 'We do our best with limited resources', said Det. Saddam Chernobyl after Hacker's arrest. 'But a result like this is becoming less and less commonplace and we, as a police, become frustrated that we can't do more to protect the public'.

4am Thursday 4th December.
Detectives wielding battering rams burst through the doors of a house in a quiet part of Nebbington, Wirral, to find 37 men and one woman committing bukkake while, in several rooms around the five-bedroom, detached property, officers arrested couples engaging in acts too gynecological to mention in a family newspaper. A number of the men escaped and, despite a police search lasting nine hours, none were found on the premises.

Shankly Hacker was a schoolboy soccer star whose signing with the Queens Arms Dynamo jettisoned the squad into the 1st Division of the West Liscard Sunday League in 1996.

After a trial with the Royal Oak went disastrously tragic, he was offered a post as a trainee sound engineer at Neptunes, Liscard's top music store, before trying his hand at politics three years ago.

He joined Wirral Council shortly afterward and, in 2006, Hacker became Mason of the Year, one week after joining the Grand Imperial Lodge of New Ferry.

However, six months later, his acquisition of 200 acres of Unemployment Corridor left him almost bankrupt. He bounced back briefly when, in 2007, he was awarded Special Proposals Officer for Neptune Developments and became engaged to girlfriend Mareeeshah out of Girls Akimbo but Hacker has since been named in the recent scandals involving missing tax payers' money and off-shore cod fishery investment.

Hacker's tireless campaigning for needle exchanges in all his constituency's dogging parks brought him to the political forefront and made him many enemies, some of whom will be tonight enjoying a quiet chuckle at the thought of this arrest and his current problems as a whole.