Ping-Poong Raises a Stink at Liscard Sports Day

by our sports correspondent Lee Purdles

A local moaners association caused mayhem at the weekend when they gatecrashed a local school's sports day.

Grans Against Excrement or GAE, have claimed responsibility for the attack and barricaded themselves into the sports hall, refusing to surrender until their demands have been met.

The chaos began shortly after the second heat of the under-12 inter-Wirral Table Tennis tournament when members of the group managed to substitute the ball for a large dollop of dog excrement. The two boys managed to rally the turd a startling 200 times before the crowd and the ball evaporated completely.

Elderly members of GAE then rushed onto the court in bio-hazard suits and burned an effigy of Gordon Brown's dog, Formby, before arming themselves with cricket stumps and warding off police.

GAE are a group dedicated to the removal of all canine species from the Wirral. They have been accused of several acts of sabotage, once cementing up the anuses of several winners at Crufts two years ago and disembowelling Paddy Ashdown's dog, Rambles, on Hampstead Heath last March in retaliation for the repeal of dog fouling fines for the under 60's.

Organisers are keen to launch an enquiry, possibly as soon as late 2014.