18 Dec 2008
by our celebrity correspondent Neil Spredham
Scallies watch out! Because secret agent 007 is coming to Wirral and this time he's a local!
That's right, the Wirral Groan can exclusively reveal definitive proof, leaked to us by secret sources sworn to secrecy, that the next James Bond movie will be filmed right here on Merseyside.
It's no secret, however, that current 007 actor, Craig David, is from the peninsula and it has been suggested by moles lurking deep within Pinewood Studios that the success of his previous outings as the agent has given him carte blanche when it comes to choosing locations for the next film.
Craig, pictured here pouting and jogging in New Brighton yesterday, was definitely keeping schtum about it but he did pause briefly to comment to reporters before sprinting off.
'The producers originally wanted to go to New Mexico for the new Bond film but I held them back', said ex-bouncer and DJ Craig, tremulously fingering the logo on his product-placement Speedos. 'I reminded them that it would be as twice as cheap to shoot in Birkenhead - and just as dangerous.'
Craig is confident that he can make it happen and added that Wirral Council had already offered their help to get the ball rolling. 'They've offered to sell the production company several listed buildings,' beamed Craig. 'So expect some fireworks!!'
The new Bond movie, provisionally titled Bond 23 (although sources close to my source tell me that The Kop is Not Enough is no longer being considered) could provide up to 5 seasonally-adjusted jobs for local youths with the best jobs in special effects and set construction going to lucky professionals from outside the area.
Also, rumours of Jennifer Ellison playing Bond girl Felicia Gripwood have been scotched as she is currently appearing as a contestant on Channel 5's Celebrity Come Gargling.