Kung-Fu Gran in Argos Fury

An elderly Seacombe woman has been awarded £200 in damages after cruel treatment by shop staff left her practically uncomfortable yesterday.

Miriam Crackhough, 77, of St. Paul's Rd, was awarded the damages at Wirral Magistrate's Court after judges found that Argos staff had deliberately ejected her from their shop in Birkenhead causing her distress and unecessary discontentment.

Mrs. Crackhough had gone into the store in January last year to return a faulty modem cable she'd bought for her husband for Xmas. She had only been in the store for a few minutes when Rhys Zpekt, 16, a security officer from Sparebear Inc., had approached her and warned her to either leave her nunchakus outside or leave. During the pitched battle that followed, several staff and three by-standers were injured, one having his arm severed completely and another whose wounds were so horrific gender can not be determined.

Mrs. Crackhough herself has been unable to speak since the incident except to appeal to the jury for compensation during her trial. 'It was awful', she recalled from the terrace of her terraced accommodation in Seacombe today. 'I'd only gone into the shop to return a cable and I was set upon by this huge hulk who wrestled me outside the shop, exposing a breast and breaking a set of antique rice flails I had with me'.

The rice flails in question played a major role in Argos' case for the defence but the judges found in Mrs. Crackhough's favour when she revealed to them that they were for medicinal use only. 'I've got terminal arthritis and I use nunchucks to crunch up me tablets'. Argos apologised, paying Mrs. Crackhough £200 and providing internet access for over 60 pensioner friends of the plaintiff.

The police apologised for any incompetence experienced during the investigation and promised their forensics guy would be back in time for the Xmas period.


18 November 2008 at 13:22 BRUTE! said...

It's about time these elderly scum-bags were erased from the glorious streets of our illustrious Merseyside homeland. Some of these old people have been receiving benefits for over 60 years and deserve the wrath of Frank Field or a similar frenzied right-winger.