Kids get new wall for 2010 World Cup




Form our 201o World Cup correspondent, Ronaldo Snorts.

Wirral Council has forked out £100,000 to build a new mud wall around Liscard playing fields in preparation for the 2010 world cup, which kicks off next week.

The new wall, designed to keep children inside the park during the tournament is being hailed as the biggest construction project in Wirral since the start of the £80M NewboDome project.

Local children will be displaying their talents and ASBO's at an all star football match this weekend. Celebrities will join in the fun as a multitude of ex-Brookside stars flock to the match in support of the 'Agros Skilz 4 Skals' campaign.

"I've been in training for this event for months" said Les Boss, 58 of New Brighton. "It's been ages since I played a full 20 minutes so I hope my knee holds out. If it doesn't then my benefits will go back up a level or two".

Les, former Rovers goal keeper and full time chemtrail expert was keen to stress the importance of a THC rich training programme. "We've been feeding these kids Brek for weeks. The performance levels have gone through the roof" said Les, reclining in his hammock to the sound of dub reggae.

Not all residents are as thrilled as Les. A campaign group has been set up to ensure rowdy football tots do not bring large scale hooliganism to the Borough during the World Cup festivities. Football United in Controlling Kids (FUiCK) was set up by local activist Rusty Gash and hopes to lobby local councillors to ensure policed patrols are stepped up during the tournament.

"What our concerns are is that children may end up enjoying them selves and get involved in a healthy activity" said Rusty from her bunker in Vale Park. "The last thing we need in this area is well behaved and healthy children. It would be a disaster" she added.

Tickets go on sale for the event today and are available at all Bargain Boozes. If you buy 6 stella's you get two tickets free.



Methadone spill shuts Vicky road


Victoria Road a few hours after the spill

Victoria road was brought to a stand still this afternoon when a lorry collided with a mobility scooter and overturned spilling it's contents.

The lorry was carrying 16 million litres of liquid methadone which was en route to Leasowe. Emergency services were quick to respond but local residents had already taken things into their own mouths.

"We were in the Railway enjoying happy hour when we heard this almighty crash" Omar Shareef, 14, informed the Groan, whilst enjoying a quadrupole baileys with ice cream. "Our kidda came in looking all monged and the next thing we know, the streets were full of kryptonite" he added very slowly and incoherently.

Wallasey fire brigade was first to attend the scene which shocked local residents, many of them elderly.

"The incident occurred at 14:56 and we arrived at the scene at 16:09." Said fireman Samuel from inside his helmet. "The area was covered with residents slurping at the tarmac with those bendy straws, and or lying unconscious outside the shop formerly known as the quickie" he added whilst playing with his massive hose.

Vladimir Bulivski, 87, a local entrepreneur, was an eye witness to the event. Standing outside his charity shop he said he was "amazed" at how quickly local mefs came to the aid of the emergency services and was "amazed" that no one got hurt in the following stampede. "I was amazed", he added.

Victoria road was re-opened to traffic again at 18:45 much to the relief of Stella Artos, who manages the local bargain booze. "Our delivery was held up for over two hours. We'd run totally dry on Superkings, Lambrini Light and Mini Cheddars."

A spokesperson for Green Fairy Inc, the company responsible got the distribution of methadone across the Wirral was unavailable for comment but a statement on their website said "404 file not found".

Merseyside police's crack road traffic incident unit, MPCRTIU, were quick to blame others.

Do you know anyone on methadone? Got a picture of them being sick? Email us now and win a months free giro.