Sir Bob: Rats to Reform

by our celebrity correspondent Neil Spredham

Rock star and campaigner Sir Bob Geldof was at the centre of a tornado of controversy when he unleashed some startling news at a local event on Wirral this weekend.

For Sir Bob, 73, let it be known that plans are under way to re-record his most famous song, 'I Don't Like Mondays'.

The singer and father of two revealed that, due to pressures from family and fans, he and his band, The Boomtown Rats, have been in talks to re-boot the 1979 No. 1 sometime next Sunday afternoon.

Its release the following day is timed to coincide with Monday itself in the hope that it will raise awareness of the global effects of post-weekend depression (which many Wirraliens suffer from and have claimed benefits for).

The political activist and TV producer, in Birkenhead to publicise the event as part of a whistle-stop, world-wide press tour, explained his decision to go back into the studio again.

'As a single parent and
Nobel Peace Prize nominee, I feel strongly about how our society has turned our backs on our fellow human beings', he said over an overlooked breakfast in Burst's cafe this afternoon.

'Every Monday, all over the world, people are returning to work with little or nothing to look forward to except the following weekend. Some feel the desperation and hopelessness they experience are too much to bear and simply refuse to address their problems, resulting in a massive loss in work-hours to the nation.'

Sir Robert, 68, hopes to re-define current industrial rights legislation by repealing a law that forbids the playing of the record during work hours. The law, enacted in 1982, states that public performances that incite discontent in the workplace be limited only to businesses that operate after 6pm.

In 1984, Sham 69 singer, Jimmy Pursey, was fined £250 when irate Czech roofers refused to complete work on the new Feargal Sharkey airport in Dublin after playing the band's 'Hersham Boys' continually during their 56-hour roof-top protest. In the aftermath of the trial, several members of top bands committed suicide and, as a result, the entire UK music industry collapsed.

Musicians such as Geldof and fellow human rights campaigner Iggy Pop, claim untold financial hardship due to the ban. Sir Bob aims to highlight what they see as loss of earnings by releasing the new single and a possible follow-up the next day.

'If the song takes off, we have plans to record a sequel,' claimed the Live Aid creator and Irish author/actor. 'During our research into global clinical depression, we discovered that hundreds of thousands of people are similarly disaffected after Bank Holiday. So our new song, 'F**k Tuesdays', will be spearheading the campaign to raise awareness of their terrible plight.'

The Wirral Groan asked the knight if his celebrity showbiz chums would be recording the song with him but he replied that that was Band Aid.