17 Mar 2010
by our science fiction correspondent Ken Trail
Several dozen Wirral residents have voiced concerns about strange smoke trails seen over the peninsula this week, prompting activists in the area to call for an inquiry into what they see as a conspiracy to reduce unemployment in the area.
Monday 15 March:
Wirral Groan staff were besieged with a few reports of strange 'chem trails' criss-crossing the skies over Liverpool and New Brighton yesterday caused by dozens of unidentified planes flying in regular patterns throughout the day.
Angry residents, worried that the chemicals may carry health-threatening properties, today were up in arms over the mysterious flights and blame sinister global societies intent on culling the region's jobless.
Chem trails were also spotted in places as far away as Canada and China, giving rise to fears that the flights are part of a fiendish plan to reduce the world's currently rampant unemployment figures. Campaigners plan to link the 'chem trails' with dwindling benefit claims and recent closures of local 'Job' Centres.
Vikram Tollemache, of watchdog group RESPECT (Report Extra Suspicious Planes Emitting Chem Trails), told our science fiction correspondent that the aircraft have been flying mystery missions over the area since the early 70s.
'Our fears that unknown aircraft spotted spewing unheralded vapours over the Wirral have gone unheeded until now', he confessed over a tepid vindaloo at Magic Spaz this afternoon. 'However, our colleagues at Vancouver's renowned Skywatch facility in Canada have reported seeing an increase in this type of air traffic, leading us to conclude that some sort of illegal contamination of the world's sperm supply is underway, obviously originating from a secret base somewhere in the Aigburth area of Merseyside'.
Aigburth has been prominent in reports of secret society activity in recent years after its controversial hosting of the Bilderberg Group's annual lunch and disco, normally held on Wednesdays.
However, due to picketing by anarchist groups intent on disrupting the event, global security forces, concerned over the safety of world leaders attending the event, have now moved it to Thursdays.
The Wirral Globe contacted several air bases in the area but their spokesman said that their flight paths were 'erratic' and 'up in the air'.
chem trail clip by Andy