Cllrs. Weather Storm of Protest

by our political correspondent Peregrine Falcone

Wirral council have called in special riot police to protect councillors from angry residents at tonight's public meeting at the Floral Pavilion, New Brighton.

After last night's violent demonstrations outside West Kirby Concourse (in which 500 people were injured), security officers recommended that a private firm be brought in to deter protestors and encourage silence amongst the elderly and/or deranged during the debates.
Ken Dodd, 127, has also appealed for calm.

The debate, which Wirral council have kindly opened to the public, is due to start this evening at 7pm and will allow the councillors to explain exactly which public amenities are to be sold or managed by local gangsters/volunteers.

The council wants to be as inclusive as possible,' said cllr. Steve Fukups from the safety of a Kevlar Portakabin. 'That's why we're having this open debate to find out exactly what the public really wants before the hammer comes down.'

The police are asking members of the general public to leave automatic weapons at the cloakroom.