Angry scenes greet council leader

Scenes turned ugly last night as Wirral Council met face-to-face with its obese and illiterate electorate.

Tempers boiled over at the first of a series of planned forum consultations where members of the public were finally given their chance to speak up about the looming closure of Wirral.

Council leader, Gary Fuckups, was greeted to boos and shouts of ‘he’s behind you’ from megaphone-faced changing room attendents as he entered the complex, flanked by armed members of the elite cardboard cop unit.

The event was held at the soon-to-be-axed Morton Heights Community Centre. Many members of the public were left out in the cold and had to watch the fracas on large plasma screens (Home Style department, Arsog) installed especially for the event while residents were piled twelve deep inside.

For the first time, council leaders acknowledged plans for the almost-completed ‘Newbodome’ construction, but donned Masonic insignia when questioned who was funding it.

Many residents, angry; elderly; some of them foreign, waited outside for any news they were unable to download from their ifones.

“I waited hours in line to get in” exclaimed frustrated freelance culinary toxicologist and former Liscard resident, Vlodick Havalotova, 19. “In my country, when we see a line, we join it. We thought we’d get bread, vodka and free needles,” he exhaled into the minus 28 degree night air.

Merseyside police are anticipating more ugly scenes at the next forum event, due to take place tonight, at New Brighton's newly-constructed welfare-to-party quarter.