Wirral hosts NEET summit


Wirral NEET’s arriving at Floral Pavilion for two day seminar

NEET’s (not in education, employment or training) have been flocking to the Floral Pavilion this week, as Wirral hosts the very first national NEET summit, in a desperate bid to massage unemployment figures.

Hosted by famed American hypnotherapist, Dr. Ormond McGill, the two day seminar will see many of Wirral’s out-of-control young unemployed ‘hypnotized’ back into work.

The tab for the two day event is being picked up by Wirral councils flagship Department for Behavioral Educational Correction, at the estimated cost of 28 million Zimbabwean dollars.

New Brighton locals are slightly annoyed at not being consulted about the event, which has seen over 20,000 NEET’s bused in from as far away as Nebbington and Foilake. “It’s been a bloody nightmare” said one angry local, who requested not to be named, over a stewed brew at the Sea Side café. “You can’t walk the prom for yokkers or brek ends” he added.

“This is just another example of One Stop Wirral” said Betty Fords, 98, New Brighton youth liaison officer. “We thought the Floral Pavilion would be for entertainment, but the council’s real aims are to turn it into an underwater library and migrant worker processing centre. We’ve seen plans to create an ‘Xfactor’ style show using NEET’s to remove jobless from the unemployment figures”.

As the event winds up to a close, Dr McGill is promising drastic results. “Our seminars have proved very successful with US Homeland security in convincing illegal aliens they should return to their countries of origin”. I’m sure two days of my seminar will ensure these NEET’s promptly sign off from JSA or your money back”.

A police spokesperson added that during the seminar incidents of anti-social behavior was drastically reduced by 0.5% across the borough.

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