SOCCER WIVES RUSH TO SIGN TOTS FOR POSH REHAB


FIT FOOTBALLER WIVES TALKING ABOUT DRUGS

A new, Priory-style rehabilitation clinic is to be built on the site of the old Scout buildings in lower Neswall due to a petition signed by the wealthy parents.

The petition, plus the publication of a recent survey, have led local councillors to re-evaluate the proposal in favor of the scheme which will provide first class treatment to clients addicted to drugs and alcohol.

One parent, who declined to be named because of her marriage to a footballer, said she had signed the petition because the nearest rehab was over 5 miles away in Bromborough. “Although my son is only three, I still believe they’re never too young to give them the best,” smiled Mrs. Court-Swallowing from the palatial extension of her beautiful 14-bedroom mansion in Neswall’s exclusive Footie Fortress. “That’s why my husband and I have signed him up for the clinic now so as to prevent any delays in admission when he’s a teenager.”

Many others feel that the clinic’s presence in the area may also be beneficial to the local economy. Njërd Assfatgrabber, who played a blinder in last month’s semi-final against Bromborough Galaxico, welcomes the notoriety the clinic’s celebrity clientele brings with it.

“We already have enough people to create our own Rich Republic here in Lower Neswall,” he said from the bucket seat of his lovingly-preserved 1925 Hispano-Suiza. “With a few rock stars drying out about the place we can start raking in the tourist cash with guided tours.”

However, opinion was divided between other residents who fear their children will not be able to afford the expensive treatment afforded by the clinic. Mrs Comdot, of Yertew Close, Neswall, wept yesterday as the builders moved onto the site. “My son, Verbal, has been addicted to crystal brek for three years.” she moaned. “The clinic is charging £3000 a week with designer medicines, such as Versace’s Methadonatella range, at £500 a litre!”

Wirral Groan have obtained exclusive blueprints of the new building. They look great.

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