Skateboard Park gets Thumbs-Up

by our extreme sports correspondent Olly Weeler

Extreme sports enthusiasts were jumping for joy yesterday when it was announced that New Brighton is finally getting its own skate park.

The council gave the go-ahead for construction of the resort's first BMX, in-line and skateboard park and fans of the dangerous sports were jubilant that their dream, proposed almost 30 years ago, is due to be realised at last.

Local sports groups rejoiced when West New Brighton MP, Shankly Hacker, 39, confirmed the site for the park which is rumoured to be alongside the Marine Lake (soon to be Morrisons' Welfare-to-Work scheme headquarters).

'Who knew back in 1980 that our dream of a place to skate safely would one day reap rewards?' gurgled surly, implacable deforestation enabler Craig Fumbly, 46, of Boylake View, New Brighton. 'I'd like to thank several Wirral Council administrations for their patience in handling our proposal, especially those who are no longer with us. Unfortunately, many of the original crew will not be able to use the new park due to injuries sustained during extreme sports competitions on the M53, back in the 80's.'

The Associated Skate Board Organisation (ASBO) first proposed their idea to Wirral Council back in June, 1977, when skateboarding was still in its infancy in the UK.

Despite several well-orchestrated publicity stunts and petitions, ASBO failed to secure agreements from either local businesses or the council, forcing generations of skaters to take to the streets. Since then, over 5000 have been horribly disfigured or killed on Wirral's roads.

However, due to the re-emergence of the sport in the late 80's, and with top skaters like Tony Alva (66) earning millions of dollars, forward-thinking MP Shankly Hacker thought it was high-time they reconsidered the plans.

'I see this skate park not merely as a sports amenity but as a symbol of HOPE and CHANGE!' he said via megaphone from the sun roof of his Kevlar-coated Humvee before jetting off with his girl band for a short golfing cruise yesterday.

The project, slated for preliminary construction in late December 2044, will boast the latest state-of-the-art amenities including high-tech ramps constructed in the latest bio-degradable materials (wood).


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