Jobless to face Voight-Kampf tests

By our social affairs correspondent Myra Hingly

A new Job Seekers allowance application in process

Wirral’s jobless are to face new stringent Voight-Kampf tests, developed by US Homeland Security, in a desperate bid to reduce unemployment figures.

The new system, which analyses fluctuation of the pupil and involuntary dilation of the iris, can detect benefit cheats within a matter of hours.

Controversy surrounds the new technology with unions fearing possible redundancies among job-realignment officers in the region and the planet as a whole.

Birkenhead MP, Frank Soil, feels differently. “These new machines will ensure we keep unemployment figures to a minimum and slash the amount of benefit payments. If people are working more than 20 minutes a week, including household chores and cooking, then they are obviously fit for work”.

Lazy jobless face a ‘one strike and you’re out’ policy, which many fear will affect their high scores on Guitar Hero.


4 December 2008 at 12:32 BRUTE! said...

Once the unemployed realise that their swimming and reading activities will be non-existent on the dole they'll be hurtling down to Ellesmere Port fro that chicken-gibletting vacancy