Top cop in bravery award

Wirral’s elite paper police received a ream of praise last night, as serving Merseyside officer, Flatt Packt, 180g, received the forces highest award for bravery.

PC Packt, who was honored alongside two of his three dimensional colleagues from Manchester’s crack Canalstreet-Unit, is the first Merseyside officer to receive the prestigious ‘Charles Manson award for outstanding bravery’.

Home secretary, Tessa Bowels, awarded the awards in a plush reception at the Home Office, London. Bowels made special mention of PC Packt, whose heroic actions have gripped the nation since that fateful day last October.

PC Packt was honored for the high profile arrests of several well known Anti Social Behavioral Orderlies in the notorious Birkenhead district, ‘North End Quarter’. Packt, who received several almost fatal puncture wounds during the arrest, spoke of his ordeal to a pensive audience of media folk and political aids.

“Im happy in the knowledge that my action has removed several banned hole punches from the streets of Birkenhead.” Said proud Packt yesterday. “I didn’t think my life was in danger. It wasn’t until paramedics pointed out that I had been punched over 60 times. That’s when I thought I had been written off,” he added.

“We are very proud of Constable Packt,” said Will Spray, Merseyside police public relationships development support manager. “At first many of our brave officers were unsure of cardboard policing. However, the amount of paper work done has been slashed and police can go back to what they do best. Ordering take-away,” he chortled whilst downing a glass of 1996 Don Perion Champaign.

PC Packt is set to return to Wirral’s mean streets in late 2009, when his sickness benefits will be denied alongside 300,000 other Wirraliens.