Embed with Claire Sweeney

by our war correspondent Pat Riotact

The Wirral Groan scooped all of its rivals this week when it dispatched its latest embedded journalist to cover the war in Afghanistan.

Nonplussed squaddies gasped in practically-controlled arousal when celebrity Claire Sweeney rode into their midst on Tuesday. For Claire, 53, it was like a homecoming. She was embed with the Cheshires in Iraq in 2002 and again repeatedly during the Kosovo war.

This time though, Claire will not be singing for the men of the regiment. Instead, she will be writing a weekly column for the Wirral Groan, detailing the daily lives of Wirral soldiers.

Claire, who has just returned from a singing tour of Guantanamo Bay, is delighted to be back in the thick of it. 'Am buzzen', she claimed from the safety of a security zone today. 'The lads have welcomed me back with open arms'.

Claire, 23, is due to go on maneuvers with the Cheshires and hopes to see some action while she's with the regiment once she's finished recording her new single, 'Nips on Fire', with fellow ex-Brookside superstar Jennifer Ellison. 'Its a follow-up to me last single, Hips of Steel, which was about me mum's operation. It didn't sell many copies but the lads in Guantanamo seemed to love it. They played it 437 times a day!'

Claire, 15, is currently appearing in Tits in Boots at the Floral Pavilion.


16 December 2008 at 22:53 RAW said...

Agh hey, she's so good to our troops! Sweeney can kick some Taliban butt anyday!

16 December 2008 at 23:10 BRUTE! said...

Yeahbutnobut, she's helped us upload 300,000 viruses today so far with her downloadable demo!