Christmas plunged into chaos as Santas strike

By our crime correspondent Lance Boil

Angry Santa Unions today held protest across the Wirral, closing down the A45 fly over intersection for almost 20 minutes, in their latest stunt to safeguard pending job losses.

Wirral’s Santa Unions are up in arms over recent claims that the group Santas Against Deductions (SAD) were discriminating against the floods of Eastern European Saint Nicolas’, who have flocked to the borough in recent months in search of work.

Merseyside police escorted the protest, requiring 100 police officers, two helicopters, 28 tasers and 50 litres of CS spray, to contain the 17 strong crowd.

“I’ve never seen anything like it” screamed one angry commuter from his twin-spark red Alfa Romeo. “I’m never going to get this Kidney to Arrow Park in time now” he yelled.

Eastern European actors and performing midgets are currently being held at an undisclosed location, near Burton woods. SAD are demanding the closure of this holding camp, in what is being dubbed as ‘little Prague’ by locals. In a statement issued by SAD they claim “many people will think [the camp] is a big ‘Grotto Land’. This puts British jobs at risk at a time when holding onto your career is as hard as emptying your sack in a oner”.

Police made two arrests during the protest for minor offences and have added the names to their naughty list