New Neptune Proposal Stuns Critics.

by our architectural correspondent Wade Bridge

FRESH new images have been released revealing how New Brighton's new luxury drug rehabilitation centre will look once it's completed later this year.

The Lisa Tarbuck Centre for Seriously Ill People Who Inject Themselves is part of the first phase of the regeneration of New Brighton and local firm Neptune Developments have already started work on the £970m development.

As well as the construction of the centre, phase one will also see a block of AIDS treatment clinics and refugee accommodations being built alongside.

Detailed plans for this part of the scheme are to be submitted to local moaners' associations and groups next week.

Rob Taxpayer, development director at Neptune Developments, said: "Neptune Developments is delivering the regeneration of New Brighton in two phases.
"The first relates to the construction of the rehab clinic and the development of a residential and illegal immigrant facility on the adjoining site.

"The second phase will see a huge party we're throwing for fellow councillors and Masons on the island of Mustique, courtesy of Wirral tax-payers, who we have consulted throughout this proposal without interference'.

Rob, whose company recently returned from a nine-week fact-finding tour of Bolivia, intend to eventually turn Wirral into a unique futurist village with the new Derby baths reconstruction planned to reach heights dwarfing the Shanghai Towers. However, due to a series of mishaps, including most of its partners and fellow Masons going into administration earlier this year, Neptune have decided to look elsewhere for their next project.

'Dubai looks good,' says Rob. 'Despite the lack of drugs, alcohol and public nudity, I'm sure Neptune can match international architects with our new range of pre-formed sheds of which the new Floral Pavilion is a shining example.' Rob went onto explain how the constant carping of pensioners and the unemployed had scuppered his plans for world domination of the Wirral. 'They are a shiftless idle lot who like nothng more than to rot away in their disgusting little sea-side shit hole. That said, I've enjoyed many a free pint or expenses-paid holiday with local councilpersons over the years and I'm not one to look a gift horse or tax-payer in the mouth'.

Update: Police have warned that a spate of break-ins to the building site have resulted in delays in attending domestic violence calls. They urge Wirral men to curtail or postpone wife-beating activities until next year when a clean-up squad have finished at the site.


30 November 2008 at 14:40 michelle said...

Me and the girls attended the panto the other night and practically laughed ourselves moist most of the time. It was a great night out, marred only by Pete Pric's incessant yelling of 'Seamen! Seamen!' throughout the production. Top marks also must go to Floral Pavilion staff whose improvised baked bean sandwiches went down a treat after the power was cut off.