14 Nov 2008
Wirral Police warned today that sex-crazed motorists, called ‘doggers', are to unleash a new and lethal version of the craze upon local beauty spots.
Officers, alerted to the phenomenon by a rash of complaints from a resident incensed by the perverts' antics, investigated and found several cars semi-submerged in the Dee estuary at high tide.
At first, the constables thought that the cars belonged to cockle-collectors sheltering from wintry coastal conditions but on further investigation several couples were found masturbating each other inside the vehicles. A number of arrests were made and a late model Seat Viagra was confiscated, along with a gross of ‘Motor Mutt' condoms and a copy of the ‘Wirral Woof'.
Chief Inspector Wade Nobbing revealed the results of his enquiry, claiming that ‘aqua-dogging', having sex in a submerged automobiles, is set to become the next trend in al fresco how's-your-father. ‘Doggers are a menace,' he opined from behind a hastily assembled trestle table at a press conference today. ‘The dangers of water-borne venereal disease is uppermost in the minds of local residents to say nothing of the environmental damage done to fish stocks.'
Groan staff were today recovering after a 400-metre doggy-paddle up the estuary after their van sprung a leak.