7 Nov 2008
Residents on Wirral's Employment Corridor (pictured) are up in arms at recent news of a world-wide credit crunch. While global economies tumble, millions of recently-unemployed immigrants from as far away as Haiti are flocking to the area in search of employment.
'We look like complete twats', says Egremont MP, Hermione Kite. 'The last administration have saddled us with this ridiculous moniker which gives the impression there is work here. In the last three decades, we've had several new shacks put up along King St. but that won't do much to house the millions expected to arrive in Egremont in the next three weeks'.
The first leaking boat arrived in Seacombe Ferry on Thursday morning, laden with dispossessed from as far away as the Galapagos Islands. 'If this goes on, additional strain will be put on local services' said elderly resident, Britney Larr, yesterday. 'At present, I share my job as a kebab tester with three other homeless men. What is to become of me?'
Large sandbanks are being constructed along the peninsula to repel the refugees and dogging has been suspended until work is completed in 2206.