10 Nov 2008
Dapper, uncivilsed Italian dictator, Silvio Berlusconi, has once again created controversy with his inappropriate statements, this time whilst on a tour of Birkenhead's notorious Market district.
Feathers were ruffled as Berlusconi,33, part of an EU fact-finding group on Poverty and Disease in the North of England, spoke to reporters after the climax of the tour, a guided run around the North End. When asked what he thought about the area, Berlosconi spoke with an aide before replying that he'd been treated well and would remember the trip with fondness. 'I have been treated well by the people of Borkenhead, ' he said, fingering the lapel of his 100% silk Armani blazer and running his manicured fingers (300 euros) through his hair (500 euros). 'But I have found that there are many here who are lazy, shiftless criminals types with little thought for the community or the regional respect that is destroyed by their behaviour. They are welcome to come to Italy anytime'.
Senor Berlusconi then went onto praise the local fish market before receiving a special unemployment edition of the Wirral Groan from editor-in-chief, Michelle Suit. 'We're very proud of Silvio', said our leader. 'He's originally from Prenton but keeps it quiet'.
Update: Police said they were unable to locate the limousine used by Berlosconi's entourage but were confident they would eventually do something about it soon.